Previous England skipper Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet face the full implications of the muscle-wasting condition that ended the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old athlete, who was a member of the World Cup champion 2003 side and secured numerous English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast 14 days after learning he has the condition.
"There's a certain looking the future in the face and being reluctant to really process that at the minute," he stated.
"This doesn't mean I don't understand where it's progressing. We grasp that. But there is certainly a reluctance to face what's ahead for now."
Moody, talking with his wife Annie, explains instead he feels "peaceful" as he concentrates on his current wellbeing, his family and making preparations for when the condition worsens.
"Possibly that's trauma or possibly I handle situations uniquely, and when I have the information, it's easier," he continued.
Early Signs
Moody discovered he had MND after detecting some lack of strength in his upper arm while training in the gym.
After physiotherapy failed to improve the issue, a series of scans revealed nerve cells in his central nervous system had been affected by MND.
"You're presented with this condition identification of MND and we're understandably very affected about it, but it's so strange because I sense that nothing's wrong," he remarked.
"I don't sense sick. I don't experience unwell
"My indications are quite slight. I have a bit of muscle loss in the hand and the upper arm.
"I remain capable of accomplishing anything and everything. And hopefully that will persist for as long as is attainable."
Condition Progression
MND can progress quickly.
Based on the charity MND Association, the disease kills a 33% of people within a 365 days and over half within two years of identification, as eating and breathing become harder.
Treatment can only slow decline.
"It's never me that I feel sad for," added an emotional Moody.
"It's about the sadness around having to tell my mum - as an sole offspring - and the consequences that has for her."
Personal Consequences
Speaking from the household with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was overcome with emotion when he discussed telling his sons - 17-year Dylan and 15-year Ethan - the heartbreaking news, saying: "It was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two wonderful boys and that was quite heartbreaking," Moody stated.
"We were seated on the sofa in tears, Ethan and Dylan both hugging in each other, then the dog jumped over and began removing the tears off our faces, which was quite amusing."
Moody said the focus was being in the moment.
"There exists no solution and that is why you have to be so intensely directed on just welcoming and enjoying each moment now," he stated.
"As my wife mentioned, we've been really fortunate that the sole determination I made when I concluded playing was to devote as much period with the kids as attainable. We don't get those periods back."
Player Link
Professional competitors are unevenly influenced by MND, with studies suggesting the rate of the condition is up to 600% higher than in the wider community.
It is considered that by restricting the oxygen available and creating harm to nerve cells, frequent, strenuous exercise can initiate the illness in those already vulnerable.
Athletic Professional Life
Moody, who won 71 England appearances and toured with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in recognition of his courageous, persistent method to the game.
He played through a stress fracture of his leg for a duration with Leicester and once sparked a training-ground scuffle with fellow player and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he left a tackle pad and commenced participating in physical contacts.
After entering as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the back of the line-out in the decisive passage of play, setting a base for scrum-half Matt Dawson to snipe and Jonny Wilkinson to score the victory-securing field goal.
Backing Network
Moody has already notified Johnson, who led England to that victory, and a few other previous players about his medical situation, but the rest will be discovering his news with the rest of public.
"There shall be a period when we'll need to depend on their assistance but, at the present, just having that sort of love and acceptance that people are available is what's important," he stated.
"Rugby is such a great group.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even when it concluded now, I've appreciated all of it and embraced all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"When you get to call your enthusiasm your career, it's one of the greatest honors.
"To have done it for so considerable a duration with the groups that I did it with was a pleasure. And I am aware they will wish to help in whatever way they can and I anticipate having those discussions."
